Feeling meh

I am feeling meh. It's something someone on line says all the time meaning not bad, not good just meh. I am tired. I am sooo tired of being tired. I am also having my moon time which doesn't help. I am worried about my son. Really, really worried that my husband's home is seeming like the "fun" place and my home is the sick and strict place. I would like neither distinction.

I do think the B12 therapy is helping. My head seems clearer like a fog is lifting. Which is kind of nice, unfortunately, I am finding that I battle these same demons in my un-fogged brain. I read some posts I wrote and I have no recollection of writing them which is disturbing. So I took them down. I have a constant feeling of not being enough. I am not enough of a mother to keep Sam here - doing what he needs to do to be healthy and successful. I am not enough of a person to contribute to society in any tangible way that is productive. I was not enough of a daughter to be worthy of no abuse, verbal, physical or otherwise. I am not enough sick to warrant a real diagnosis.  I am not enough sane so I must be a hypochondriac. I am not enough cool to find people to chat to, because my brain is not enough functioning to actually really carry on a conversation.

The only non meh thing is I am loosing weight steadily, a few ounces everyday. I am scared tomorrow they aren't going to find anything wrong with my brain and that I will be back to feeling like I could do something about being sick if  my brain was just strong enough or if I had more resolve or if I did something I don't even know to do....

I know that lots of this is the hormones. I know it will pass and yet, is it?

How much longer will I live with the question in the back of my mind, "Am I really just crazy?"